Adat Perkahwinan orang Melayu kita

Many younger generations nowadays doesn’t really know how the process of wedding takes place. Ofcoz this is a Malay Wedding. Kalau org Putih… main bagi cincin kat tepi pantai, tak ada family hadir pun dah consider TUNANG… LOL…but yg best nya..when it comes to wedding..tak perlu ramai2… 20 org pun jadi jugak. Best kan kalau dpt buat wedding yg mcm tu.. kalau melayu ni, Buat Grand nanti kata menunjuk-nunjuk…kesian plak pengantin kena loan and susah2 bayar hutang loan. Nak buat simple nanti org kata kawin accident… Memang susah sangat hidup dlm masyarakat melayu. Mind-set drg ni susah sangat. Well actually, I don’t mind having Grand weddings kalau d Sponsor mcm Mawi & Ekin…hehehe melalut plak..

Berbalik kepada topic, process usually goes by like below..

Merisik/Jarum-jarum as what Brunei call it

It begins when Parents of the Guy or His elderly goes to the girl’s place to ask about her marital status(walaupun dah bercinta 10 tahun..kena jugak Tanya ni hehehe) ala-ala nak memetik bunga d taman larangan gitu hehe. If bunga nya tak di miliki org lain…dan semua setuju, maka..akan terjadi lah acara menyarung cincin tanda– basically, utk memberitahu yang the girl sudah di pinang(my mom would sometimes describe my BF as “tunang kau” when we chit chat coz his parents came to my house already BUT I said ‘NO’ I don’t have the ring yet..so it’s not confirm..lol).  This is also the time when both parents will negotiate about the dowry..or just kenalan with each other’s parents. But remember… it’s a MUST to have CINCIN hehehe

And this is the time when,  the Girl’s side will ask anything to do with their Adat. Macam..kalau perempuan yang nak di kahwini ni ada Kakak yang belum Kawin…jeng jeng jeng..she(the kakak) can ask for many things like cincin…barang kemas..persalinan…rumah..kereta..hehe..nahh.. usually cincin, barang kemas and persalinan…and this is call Langkah Bendul or in Brunei..it is call Langkah Dulang and these are to be include during the Hantar Berian ceremony.

And in Brunei also ada adat where the Groom’s side have to pay something if he marry someone from another district. Something like Langkah Sungai whatever…hehehe

Btw, I’m not sure is Merisik/ Jarum-Jarum is consider as Meminang or not. Kurang pasti saya… maaf yeeeeeeee tapi mcm sama…

Bertunang dan Menghantar Berian

The next one is Bertunang or Engagement, again at the girl’s place. Bakal pengantin lelaki is not supposed to be present pasal..nda manis kata org tua-tua dahulu kala..zaman purba kala lah hehe but nowadays the guys would come and stay outside..or he will come after the event just to take pictures. Lepas runding2…Bakal pengantin lelaki punya mother (atau ahli keluarga perempuan sebelah lelaki) akan menyarungkan cincin ke jari gadis yang di pinang. Kedua keluarga kemudian nya akan bertukar hantaran. Selalu nya hantaran ni.. zaman dulu2 hantaran termasuk Songket..kain songket yang belum di jahit yang Khas utk membuat persalinan pada hari perkahwinan nanti and also kain untuk baju nikah. A MUST give things are CINCIN TUNANG, Set barang kemas and kalau yang minta 1000 serba satu tu..haaa..termasuk Set bilik tidur lah..segala katil etc Tapi nowadays, org selalu buat hantaran Berian the same day as Nikah…so they don’t have to include persalinan Nikah and persalinan Sanding.

And,Some Groom yang baik hati would also give a Ring to the Mother of the Bride sebagai tanda ‘memohon untuk diberikan blessings kerana telah mengambil anaknya dari ibu gadis itu’. And yes… the Adat is thereeeee….Yeeeeeee..Mom, I’ll choose for u the ring…IF I EVER WANT TO GET MARRIED =)

Gambar Hiasan

Nikah

After certain period(1 week or more after engagement), then come the day where kedua bakal pengantin akan menghalal kan perhubungan mereka. Some people would skip Bertunang and just go on with Nikah..but again…datang lah org org melayu yang tak bertemadun yang akan Tanya “eh..terlanjur sudah kah?” or “pregnant kah?”.. LOL. The akad nikah involves the bride and groom, the kadi (state-appointed Muslim judge who officiates the ceremony), the wali (the one who gives the girl away in marriage, usually her father or brother), two witnesses, and the (lafaz nikah) marriage vow, which the groom must recite in one breath.And this normally take place at the Girl’s side because pernikahan is a Girl’s event di mana Pihak Lelaki akan duduk di depan Keluarga pihak perempuan dan berakad utk mengahwini perempuan itu(cheh..standard malay…hehe). You don’t see Lelaki nikah d Rumah sndiri(UNLESS bakal pengantin perempuan ialah Anak Yatim atau Mualaf) because ini akan menjatuh kan maruah perempuan. Bruneians would say “inda bisai bini2 plg menaiki arah laki..or pihak bini2 plg menaiki arah laki”. That show’s how you don’t respect the girl’s dignity and her parents. Macam kalau kita berhajat nak mintak kerja di pejabat, takkan nak suruh manager tu pegi rumah kau and interview.. apa lah! Lagipun, pernikahan tu Pihak Perempuan yang punya event, you ask for her hand so she got the right untuk menetapkan di mana and macam mana event pernikahan atu will go on.

 And this time more and more gifts are to be given hehe or if banyak sangat hantaran during engagement..you could skip this and use the $$ for honeymoon hehehe

And this time..both Bride and Groom get their own Wedding Ring/Band… Best kannn?? Hehe…and Nowadays, aside from Wedding ring, the groom will also give either Bracelet or necklace to his Wife as a Special gift from him.



Gambar Hiasan



Bersanding

Yayyy… the BEST part hehehe you get to dress up cantik2 ala Queen  and sit on a beautiful Pelamin(Wedding Dais) looking pretty and sweet and malu2 and kambang..eh eh..merepek hehehe Persandingan usually held on two different occasions: 1 for the bride’s family(YES memang Sebelah Perempuan dulu di utama kan..) and another for the groom’s(usually Malaysia call it Bertandang..and Brunei will consider this as Muleh 3 or 7 hari).

Ok, Many people will ask “Bila kan org bagi Cincin Buka Mulut” and my BFF said “Cincin buka mulut is from the Groom to the Bride’s Mother… WTH hehehe No No No…. Cincin buka mulut is for the Bride. Kalau zaman dahulu kala… Cincin Pembuka Mulut is given to the Bride during their 1^st nite together(nama nya Buka Mulut…ala-ala Sogokkan gitu.. Bribe!! Hehehe Bride nd Bribe…hehehe). I know it’s funny..but memang adat dulu kala. But nowadays, orang bagi time bertunang.

And that’s it. Let me know if I have miss out any info. Well, as you can see, nowadays, people hardly follow the Traditions coz ppl wanna go for Simple, memorable YET low budget Grand wedding…so they don’t want to waste time and $$ on other events. But all depends on you and your POCKET..afterall, you’re the one who wants to get married J

Til next time...

Nina-GS