Adat Perkahwinan orang Melayu kita

Many younger generations nowadays doesn’t really know how the process of wedding takes place. Ofcoz this is a Malay Wedding. Kalau org Putih… main bagi cincin kat tepi pantai, tak ada family hadir pun dah consider TUNANG… LOL…but yg best nya..when it comes to wedding..tak perlu ramai2… 20 org pun jadi jugak. Best kan kalau dpt buat wedding yg mcm tu.. kalau melayu ni, Buat Grand nanti kata menunjuk-nunjuk…kesian plak pengantin kena loan and susah2 bayar hutang loan. Nak buat simple nanti org kata kawin accident… Memang susah sangat hidup dlm masyarakat melayu. Mind-set drg ni susah sangat. Well actually, I don’t mind having Grand weddings kalau d Sponsor mcm Mawi & Ekin…hehehe melalut plak..

Berbalik kepada topic, process usually goes by like below..

Merisik/Jarum-jarum as what Brunei call it

It begins when Parents of the Guy or His elderly goes to the girl’s place to ask about her marital status(walaupun dah bercinta 10 tahun..kena jugak Tanya ni hehehe) ala-ala nak memetik bunga d taman larangan gitu hehe. If bunga nya tak di miliki org lain…dan semua setuju, maka..akan terjadi lah acara menyarung cincin tanda– basically, utk memberitahu yang the girl sudah di pinang(my mom would sometimes describe my BF as “tunang kau” when we chit chat coz his parents came to my house already BUT I said ‘NO’ I don’t have the ring yet..so it’s not confirm..lol).  This is also the time when both parents will negotiate about the dowry..or just kenalan with each other’s parents. But remember… it’s a MUST to have CINCIN hehehe

And this is the time when,  the Girl’s side will ask anything to do with their Adat. Macam..kalau perempuan yang nak di kahwini ni ada Kakak yang belum Kawin…jeng jeng jeng..she(the kakak) can ask for many things like cincin…barang kemas..persalinan…rumah..kereta..hehe..nahh.. usually cincin, barang kemas and persalinan…and this is call Langkah Bendul or in Brunei..it is call Langkah Dulang and these are to be include during the Hantar Berian ceremony.

And in Brunei also ada adat where the Groom’s side have to pay something if he marry someone from another district. Something like Langkah Sungai whatever…hehehe

Btw, I’m not sure is Merisik/ Jarum-Jarum is consider as Meminang or not. Kurang pasti saya… maaf yeeeeeeee tapi mcm sama…

Bertunang dan Menghantar Berian

The next one is Bertunang or Engagement, again at the girl’s place. Bakal pengantin lelaki is not supposed to be present pasal..nda manis kata org tua-tua dahulu kala..zaman purba kala lah hehe but nowadays the guys would come and stay outside..or he will come after the event just to take pictures. Lepas runding2…Bakal pengantin lelaki punya mother (atau ahli keluarga perempuan sebelah lelaki) akan menyarungkan cincin ke jari gadis yang di pinang. Kedua keluarga kemudian nya akan bertukar hantaran. Selalu nya hantaran ni.. zaman dulu2 hantaran termasuk Songket..kain songket yang belum di jahit yang Khas utk membuat persalinan pada hari perkahwinan nanti and also kain untuk baju nikah. A MUST give things are CINCIN TUNANG, Set barang kemas and kalau yang minta 1000 serba satu tu..haaa..termasuk Set bilik tidur lah..segala katil etc Tapi nowadays, org selalu buat hantaran Berian the same day as Nikah…so they don’t have to include persalinan Nikah and persalinan Sanding.

And,Some Groom yang baik hati would also give a Ring to the Mother of the Bride sebagai tanda ‘memohon untuk diberikan blessings kerana telah mengambil anaknya dari ibu gadis itu’. And yes… the Adat is thereeeee….Yeeeeeee..Mom, I’ll choose for u the ring…IF I EVER WANT TO GET MARRIED =)

Gambar Hiasan

Nikah

After certain period(1 week or more after engagement), then come the day where kedua bakal pengantin akan menghalal kan perhubungan mereka. Some people would skip Bertunang and just go on with Nikah..but again…datang lah org org melayu yang tak bertemadun yang akan Tanya “eh..terlanjur sudah kah?” or “pregnant kah?”.. LOL. The akad nikah involves the bride and groom, the kadi (state-appointed Muslim judge who officiates the ceremony), the wali (the one who gives the girl away in marriage, usually her father or brother), two witnesses, and the (lafaz nikah) marriage vow, which the groom must recite in one breath.And this normally take place at the Girl’s side because pernikahan is a Girl’s event di mana Pihak Lelaki akan duduk di depan Keluarga pihak perempuan dan berakad utk mengahwini perempuan itu(cheh..standard malay…hehe). You don’t see Lelaki nikah d Rumah sndiri(UNLESS bakal pengantin perempuan ialah Anak Yatim atau Mualaf) because ini akan menjatuh kan maruah perempuan. Bruneians would say “inda bisai bini2 plg menaiki arah laki..or pihak bini2 plg menaiki arah laki”. That show’s how you don’t respect the girl’s dignity and her parents. Macam kalau kita berhajat nak mintak kerja di pejabat, takkan nak suruh manager tu pegi rumah kau and interview.. apa lah! Lagipun, pernikahan tu Pihak Perempuan yang punya event, you ask for her hand so she got the right untuk menetapkan di mana and macam mana event pernikahan atu will go on.

 And this time more and more gifts are to be given hehe or if banyak sangat hantaran during engagement..you could skip this and use the $$ for honeymoon hehehe

And this time..both Bride and Groom get their own Wedding Ring/Band… Best kannn?? Hehe…and Nowadays, aside from Wedding ring, the groom will also give either Bracelet or necklace to his Wife as a Special gift from him.



Gambar Hiasan



Bersanding

Yayyy… the BEST part hehehe you get to dress up cantik2 ala Queen  and sit on a beautiful Pelamin(Wedding Dais) looking pretty and sweet and malu2 and kambang..eh eh..merepek hehehe Persandingan usually held on two different occasions: 1 for the bride’s family(YES memang Sebelah Perempuan dulu di utama kan..) and another for the groom’s(usually Malaysia call it Bertandang..and Brunei will consider this as Muleh 3 or 7 hari).

Ok, Many people will ask “Bila kan org bagi Cincin Buka Mulut” and my BFF said “Cincin buka mulut is from the Groom to the Bride’s Mother… WTH hehehe No No No…. Cincin buka mulut is for the Bride. Kalau zaman dahulu kala… Cincin Pembuka Mulut is given to the Bride during their 1^st nite together(nama nya Buka Mulut…ala-ala Sogokkan gitu.. Bribe!! Hehehe Bride nd Bribe…hehehe). I know it’s funny..but memang adat dulu kala. But nowadays, orang bagi time bertunang.

And that’s it. Let me know if I have miss out any info. Well, as you can see, nowadays, people hardly follow the Traditions coz ppl wanna go for Simple, memorable YET low budget Grand wedding…so they don’t want to waste time and $$ on other events. But all depends on you and your POCKET..afterall, you’re the one who wants to get married J

Til next time...

Nina-GS

Perkahwinan Campur - Melayu Cina

Since the planning of My Big Day is on Hold... So im just gonna update infos for readers out there..

Nowadays mix marriages are becoming very common(Dulu quite difficult coz mindset parents klu anak masuk Islam and kawin dgn Melayu, they will forget their parents which is NOT true). I Have a Chinese BFF who is going to marry a Malay (Bless!) After doing a bit of research here and there and asking around the mix marriage couple…I came up with this post especially for Her and other B2B out there.

When u mix 2 different cultures, what important is..u need to know how to maintain a balance between both and learn to keep both side happy. Ofcoz cultures between both are not the same. So here are a lil’ tips for you out there.

What to wear

Ok..For akad nikah, the bride should be in more conservative attire (baju kurung or kebaya) whereas the groom wears the baju Melayu pasal Nikah ni, adalah Majlis Agama. As all Muslim know, Nikah yang Menghalalkan hubungan, bukan pertunangan atau persandingan. Nikah ni, Hak Allah. Tanpa Nikah, Tiadalah perkahwinan, tiadalah perhubungan, tiadalah ikatan. For the tea ceremony, Boleh pakai Cheongsam or the Chinese Attire..ikut adat Cina lah. As for the reception, u can choose anything from Songket to Chiffon to Lace… From Kurung Modern to Kebaya Pendek to Kebaya Labuh to Jubah to Lehenga ala Bollywood(if Malay kawin India or Pakistan lah hehehe)..anything depends on ur Theme.

Food For Receptions

As for FOOD…makanan mostly nya sama kan..in Brunei, and also Malaysia… The Chinese loves the Malay cuisine…and ofcoz..we Love Halal Dim Sums too hehehe So..u can have a mix of this and that. BUT STRICTLY No PORKS and NO ALCOHOL. Tho’ you are going to marry a Non-Muslim, and His/Her family are still not Muslim YET, that does not mean you Have to serve them with alcohols. U don’t get Pahala by doing so. Besides, even if u’re not a Decent Muslim, Respect your parents and Family and your Religion too.

Ceremony

My BFF always ask which one to do 1^st, the Chinese ceremony or the Malay side 1^st. Well, in my honest opinion, It’s never easy to do it in 1 whole week even if you wanna combine it. Coz it will definitely be tiring. You don’t wanna look exhausted on you 1^st nite do you? So think it this way..Ceremony + Adat 1^st… Enjoy later… Coz kawin ani sekali sja… and after that u’ll get to spend time for the rest of your life. UNLESS, u hardly spend time with each other for holidays etc, so the eagerness of spending time with each other is More hehehe

So if Malay+Chinese mix marriage wedding..paling penting Halal kan hubungan dulu. Which is, Nikah. Coz as I said, inda Nikah inda lah Halal. So, After nikah, you could do the Tea Ceremony. After tea Ceremony then u can do the Receptions. Kalau inda mau ngalih… 1 Receptions sja for both family. Kalau doesn’t matter ngalih kah nda and byk budget utk baju and place and etc… buat Malay receptions dulu pastu baru Chinese Receptions. Yeah like that lah… Or boleh jua Chinese Receptions dulu then Malay. If it’s my wedding… I would go for Nikah Pagi Jumaat then Petang nya Tea Ceremony. Lepas tu Saturday Chinese Receptions then the following week Malay receptions… Lepas tu..Honeeeyyyyy Moooooonnnnniinnnnggggg hehe Well..i don’t mind having… Honeymoon ku lama, coz I don’t travel on Holidays with my BF..it’s a NO NO…coz I think, if u don’t travel together before kawin…lepas kawin, the excitement would be even better. I don’t mind travelling plg with Him..tapi mesti ada my Mom ikut. But then I don’t think he want it that way…so it’s a NO to travelling together. Pasal.. I want to jaga MY NAME and my FAMILY’s Name =)

Anyways… That’s For now…

Siaran Tergendala

Nahhh.. not talking about no signal or no wireless actually. It's just that i've come to a state where i need to slow down about thinking and planning for MY big day coz i think the BF is still not ready yet. I'm not sure what is he not ready about. Coz he didnt say anything. probably not ready financially and mentally. And this makes me turned off and.. i suddenly find myself at the stage of Not being ready for the next step in this relationship. YES! I got influenced by him, got influenced by his immature, got influenced by his negativeness *sigh*

Now i am very sure if he propose to me tomorrow, my answer will be No... coz the feeling of getting married SHUT OFF just like that.

I hate the fact that i was the only one yang really into all these. I was the only one worry about what to wear, where shall the receptions be, when shall it take place, when's the best month to get married. I was the only one buying this and that. i was the one being stressful thinking and worrying. Like HELLO, you dont want to have the "bersanding" at my house FOR GOD KNOWS WHY, and you want it to be at some Hotels or Dewans like as if im marrying Anak Menteri and I dont have to pay for even a penny when it's actually NOT...But do u realise that nowadays, Dewans and Hotels are being booked like a Year earlier...and most are already fully booked.

C'mon, For god sake, Dont keep Saying NEXT YEAR or SOON if you YOURSELF are NOT SURE or NOT READY. Dont give me False Hope! And if you seriously want to get married, make an effort. im NOT saying we have to get married in a month time.. BUT Show how serious you are. Make an effort.. ani Ckp Kosong saja banyak. Fedup dah like this. Bila di tagur, marah, menyamal, merajuk..tapi inda mau faham2. What are you thinking actually?? why cant you just let it out? if you cant talk to me over the phone, you can always email me. BUT be firm with what you wanna say. Jangan ckp something just to pujuk me, But then NO ACTION AT ALL. Bosan lahhhh!!!


I'm just pissed off.....

I'll be back Soon....

BEST MARRIAGE Advice

I received an email from a Friend with a list of BEST MARRIAGE Advice. And these are some of it that i like the most..and i think, it’s a good one too. enjoy..and tell me what you think of it...

Pop the Question
"My sister-in-law passed this helpful hint on to me, and it has served me well for our five years of wedded bliss: 'Marriage is not mind reading, so ask your spouse what he/she wants and believe what he/she says.'"
— Clare Graca, 27, Dallas

Perfect 10
"My husband's great-aunt wrote a list of the 10 most important things in a marriage, and she gave it to me at my bridal shower. It read:

10.Patience
9. Kindness
8. Patience
7. Communication
6. Patience
5. Caring
4. Patience
3. Patience
2. Love
1.Patience

"First of all, this couldn't be more true. Second, an 80-year-old woman made up a top-10 list; how funny is that?"
— Beth Power, 26, Arlington, VA

Tabletop Trick
"My aunt told me that if I'm running late when it's my turn to make dinner, just set the table. That way my husband thinks he'll be eating any minute, so he doesn't start complaining, which buys me some time. It's a silly trick that sounds straight out of the 1950s, but I have to admit that I've tried it a few times in the three years I've been married — and it works!"
— Dawn Clayton, 34, Holdrege, NE

Polite Fight
"On my wedding-invitation RSVP cards, I left space for guests to write their favorite wedding wisdom. The tidbit that rings truest after almost nine months of marriage is: 'Attack the issue, not each other.' How it works: If my husband and I disagree about something, we stay focused on the issue and skip the personal put-downs."
— Melissa Gitter Schilowitz, 31, Metuchen, NJ

Comic Relief
"Before I headed down the aisle, my stepfather told me to always laugh and never take myself too seriously. After four years of marriage, I know that this trick works. My husband and I often play practical jokes on each other and always try to crack each other up, even in the middle of an argument. Hey, if one person laughs, a fight tends to fizzle, doesn't it?"
— Lisa Giassa, 31, Bogota, NJ

Love means never having to say you're sorry.
"Oh, please! In marriage, love sometimes means having to say you're sorry even if you don't know what you did or you didn't mean to do it."
— Trisha Taylor, psychotherapist, Houston, TX

Always be totally honest.
"What are you going to do, tell him that he's just too short and you can't stand his mother? Sometimes you need to temper the truth."
— Tara Fields, Ph.D., marriage, family and child therapist, Marin County, CA

Never go to bed angry.
"Forget it. Often a couple needs time to calm down before they can rationally wrap up an argument. And that may take a few days, so in the meantime, get some sleep!"
— Gilda Carle, Ph.D., psychotherapist, New York

an Update... =)

1st thing 1st, BF dah tau about this blog...which means, i have to be careful with what i 'write' here. LOL... Jaga hati. Told him to actually open this blog by giving him the URL over the phone. His reaction was like "eh apa ni...eh...eh... " hehehe...kali when he read about the one we went to Times Square..and he guess that was me. Hee... ok jua tu kan syg.... ok kan? ok kan?

2nd thing is that...emm..asked the BF about whether we'll be getting engage before kawin..and he said inda payah...kawin terus saja. which is very FINE with me... meaning, LESS money keluar...kan kan? Tapi kan, i did my re-calculation about my weddings. Since No engagement, and we plan No Berbadak... Only Nikah siang at my place and Receptions Malam at Bridex Hall(I think..if we get the hall).. and DIY pelamin Nikah, DIY Hantaran.... i still need about $20K. It' like Arrgghhhh...cana kan ni... luan banyak. Mahal banar jua kawin Melayu ani. Tot dalam Islam inda suruh membazir..tapi ani mcm membazir sja. i think i want to limit the no. of jemputan to 500 each. i mean 500 his side, 500 my side...so inda jua banyak belanja tu. kan kan... pening mikir kan duit ani. it's like really pening. Some said "eh, ko bini2...selalu nya laki2 jua tanggung parts of balah bini2" and some said "eh..abg mu kaya..minta sponsor sja". Hello! bukan kawin anak sultan ni... anak org kebanyakkan bah yang ku kawin ani. if anak org berada, mana saja kali. And as for my brother sponsoring..Well.. aku banar nya doesnt want to use family's $$. It's my Wedding. To enable me to decide on my own, i have to be able to show that im financially stable. Tapi my brother did tell my mom, that he will sponsor if i get married After next yr...which is 2012. Macam batah lagi tu kan... i dont mind plg since at this time, masa cepat berlalu. you wont even realise it's already getting towards the end of 2010.

Anyways, i think i should but things for my hantaran and pelamin DIY.

update some more soon....

cheers...

Red and Purple... Which one??

Me and Bf were talking the other day… no we were actually smsing… about baju kawin. All these while, we have confirmed that we’re gonna wear white for our Receptions. Tapi kan..tapi kan..i don’t want to wear Songket(I know im teruk… nama sja org brunei hehe hilang tradisi.. but who cares hehe). And since kami mau Nikah and Sanding ONLY… He plan to have Receptions di seblah malam..instead of sanding mcm biasa…siang hari.

And as for me..biasalah… aku ni suka survey survey.. browsing browsing… Tengah2 browsing tu, I took a break and usai my baju. Was wearing Dark purple jacket at that time… and suddenly.. I msged my bf asking whether he wanna try Dark purple or Dark Red for receptions instead of white. Why Dark colours? 1st Im a bit Fair..and light and pale colours doesn’t suits me.  2^nd He loves black…tapi since kami nda mau pakai black… Dark colours pun ok apa. He just said ok… he said.. he was thinking that maybe… inda Payah pakai songket for receptions(BLESS!!)..so other colours..dark or light is fine with him.

My idea of MY dress would be.. emm..imagine  A mix of… Dark Bright RED Satin with Black Lace or Dark Velvet Satin with Black Lace or Pale Pink Lace or maybe Pale Baby Blue(I’ve seen this colour combinations elsewhere and it’s Da’ Bomb!!!) As for him.. biar lah ia pilih what design he wanna wear since he doesn’t really listen to me(He should!!!) as long as matching lah.  Oh and NO the Bridesmaid will not have same colours with us Bride and Groom. Even Pelamin will not be the same colour as Us.

I googled the colours that I wanna wear and here are the results.

The REDSSSSSSSSS

I Love this one SO MUCH...

 

And who doesn't love Umie Aida's Wedding dress.... GORGEOUS to the Max!!! 

And The PURPLESSSSSSSSSS

Photos courtesy of Google Search

Checking on Brunei Times Square

Me and BF went to the Wedding fair at Times Square yesterday. It was just so-so.. Not as I expected it to be. Macam, Boring…. So we went shopping around. Yes I andang love going shopping hehehe Not shopping for Clothes but Shopping for barang dapur. Bought few things at the Super Save in Times Square. Bisai..murah.  You can get a cheap price for the same thing you get elsewhere. Sama jua bah.

And yeah… me and bf went to Ezy Printing just to check the Price on the Hard Cover Invitation Card. Gila mahal jua d Brunei ani. $2 / $2.50 just for a simple Hard Cover invitation? Lapas atu..iya jua org buang invitation card tu. Bf suggested to have “Jawi”/ Khat in our invitation card.. he said supaya orang inda buang. Coz, People normally respect kan. BUT, I Don’t want. Not even the "Doa Pengantin" that ppl normally put on their invitation cards or "Bismillah". Why? I wanna keep it simple. Plus, im giving it to my Non-Muslim Friends. Takut salah jaga kan, mana tau terlangkah kah apa kah. Inda jua tani tau tu.  So I guess, the best is to have a mix of this and that. Maybe yang Hard Cover for VIPs and Soft Cover for Friends and Colleagues. Tapi, adil kah tu? Hehehe I think we should sit down again and talk about this. Payah jua ahh..  Have to discuss with my Parents jua about this cards. And as for the colours… I want it to be in Cream BUT wordings will be the colour of my Wedding Dress nanti. Jeng jeng… I am yet to decide what colour to wear. We might not wear White for our Receptions… as said by the BF. So… Nanti kan lah keputusan nya.. LOL

That’s all for now… See you in the next entry

Wedding Veils

Ever wonder how to choose the right Veil for your Big Day? I myself is in love with LOnnngggggggggggggggggggggg Veil! Serious! I’ve always thought that Long veils should be worn when you have your wedding at Halls/Hotels not at Home. Kalau at home, yang normal length saja. But I just found out there are different types of veils and that different length of veils are use for different kinds of body.

Here is a picture of Different names of veil depending on their length. Note that the length varies depending on our height.

·         Shoulder length veils are about 20” long. They suits for those who dresses with bust, waist and lower back details.

·         Elbow length veils are approximately 25” long, this veil falls to around the elbow. Suitable for Ballroom kind of Gown.

·         Waist/Wrist length veils are just slightly longer then an elbow length veil at approximately 30”. They suit most dress styles that do not feature a train.

·         Fingertip length veils are one of the most popular lengths, when you stretch your arm out it reaches around your fingertips. They are approximately 36” long and also suit the majority of dress styles. This is what I meant by Normal length veils hehehe

·         Knee length veils are approximately 45”  and reaches to around your knees. It looks good with mid calf length wedding dresses.

·         Chapel length veils are slightly shorter then cathedral length; these veils still drape onto the floor. They are typically around 90 inches long. They are best partnered with dresses that feature a train.

·         Cathedral length veils(Mcm ala ala princess Diana punya veil masa kawin lah) are the longest and therefore most formal, these veils are usually around 120”  long and some extend up to nine feet along the ground. They work best with full length, classic wedding gowns. I just love this one so much…. But this are the most difficult to control. Takut tersangkut kah apa kah..hehehe….

·         If you have a large bust or stomach, you will benefit from wearing a long veil that extends to fingertip length or below. This is because it will help elongate your upper body. (psstt..i have a bit of large tummy..hehehe)

·         Pear shaped women tend to suit veils that end at shoulder, elbow, or waist level. These lengths draw attention to your smaller points, rather than the width of your hips. (im also a Pear shaped… hehe)

·         Full figured women should ideally stick to one tier, narrow width veils, because you don’t want to add an extra volume to your body. Tall women can typically carry off longer veils, but shorter women tend to suit veils that are waist height or above.

·         Tall women-can carry off longer length veils like fingertip or waltz styles. A very short veil may look out of proportion.

·         Short women-should stick to veils that are elbow length or less.


So choose wisely.... =)

Task and Responsibilities of a Bridesmaid

Do you, Bridesmaid, know what are your task and responsibilities during wedding?

I’ve chosen mine..BUT do they know their duties and responsibility? Hehehe Malay Weddings are Different than other culture’s wedding. So, I guess one of the most important things is to have the knowledge about Malay Wedding. Tatasusila pun penting sangat. and menghormati org yang lebih tua. Other than that are as below:

PLAN – The bridesmaids typically plan and pay for a party to “shower” the bride with gifts to help stock her new home.  Take note, though, in some larger, expensive cities like New York (in which throwing a nice shindig might cost a month’s rent!) some brides’ parents are chipping in on the shower to defray the costs for the working bridesmaids.

PARTY – The showers are just the beginning of the festivities.  The fun times continue with the bachelorette party.  Who says only the guys get to have a final sendoff to singlehood?  And don’t forget about the biggest party of all: the wedding reception.  So make sure you’re ready to keep the mojo going on the dance floor.  After all, the bridesmaids must put the party in “wedding party!”

PAY ATTENTION – This is the bridesmaid’s biggest task, yet sometimes the most mbiguous.  It’s your job to pay attention to the bride from the moment she asks you to join her on this journey to the moment she waves goodbye for the honeymoon.  This means the obvious: listen to her vent when her mother is turning into a tyrant about the centerpieces or when the groom is procrastinating with his family’s guest address list.  But there’s also the not-so-obvious: offer to stuff invitations or help with the seating chart when her voice starts to quiver because she’s drowning in details for the wedding.

Help with preparations and dressing the bride, Tho’ dressing up will be done by the MUAs tapi Bridesmaid (1 or 2) should be there to help out too

Help get the Bride ready before the ceremony, calming any nerves..biasalah kan pengantin..mesti tengah gusar..gundah gulana time wedding… heheh ada yg sampai nangis2 tu hehe

You will be in the procession and recessional, typically behind the bride on her way up the aisle and behind the wedding party on the way down the aisle.

During the reception, a bridesmaids should circulate and make contact with fellow guests. Jangan lalai duduk d pelamin dengan pengantin sja. You should mingle around. Help the family melayan tetamu yang hadir… Report kalau ada apa apa masalah mcm makanan nda cukup kah..minuman nda cukup kah..ada org lambat dtg nada tempat duduk kah.. nada door gift kah. Don’t just sit and keep quiet. Must also take note on the timeline of majlis..jangan sampai dragging. Mesti ingat when is the time utk makan…when is the time utk potong cake etc.

Basically, Being a bridesmaid ani have to do some WORK too not just berlawa and mengiringi pengantin. and as for me... yang paling penting, not only temankan me..but also my MOM... coz she'll be alone. Selalu nya im always around next to her..but during my wedding...i' ll be atas pelamin...so, teman teman kan lah my mom. 

Guess that's all for info


see u in next entry...

Pencarian Design Baju Bridesmaid Bermula Lagi...

YES!!! Still not satisfied with what i've found..SOOOOOO i googled again.

THANK YOU GOOGLE SEARCH!! hehehe... i tengah sakit perut.. diarhea melanda..so tak ada mood kerja that's why google google lah. Selalu nya everytime i google..i would keep the photo..lepas tu baru blog i... BUT today... nak buat terus...hehehe

Here....

i edited only the left photo... the right one still original.

i just colour bright pink colour for the skirt part and purplish grey for the top part... and add beads...

This is a dress by Rizman Ruzaimi...it's actually pink with baby blue chiffon and beadings..but i change to purplish...hehehe

From the internet...cantik jugakkk 

This cantik juga...same by Rizman Ruzaimi 

Love this too 

And as i mentioned in previous post...i want them to wear tudung....

i think i wanna Custom-made the tudung like Siti's(see photos below)... but those who wanna fully covered can wear "tudung Express" inside. Those who dont prefer tudung express can do a simple hairdo...

Let see what my Bakal bridesmaid akan ckp....

PHOTOS COURTESY OF GOOGLE SEARCH

10 Questions to be use to trim Guest List

Was googleing for things sekali i found this.
ACTUALLY this is something interesting. Bisai jua kalau di praktikan here..dapat mengurang kan budget. and inda membazir nya urg. Really love the idea of mengurangkan ur guest list through the questions.

Here are 10 questions couples can use to trim that guest list and weed out the people you really don't want at your wedding.

1) Name the city I'm living in now (Good one to weed folks out, especially if you have moved a lot. Don't use this if you've lived in the same place for 10 years).

2) Name at least two of my closest friends.

3) Name my current employer and my past employer (Again, if you've remained in the same job for 15 years, this does not apply).

4) Do I have any kids?

5) Do you know the name of my fiancé? Bonus question: Where and when did we meet?

6) Do you know where my parents are and whether they are still alive? (Imagine a friend at your wedding asking how long have your parents been married when they divorced years ago).

7) Name at least two of my hobbies.

8) How old am I? (My favorite is when family friends would query, 'Are you 28 now?" Imagine their surprise when I proclaimed, 'yeah, 10 years ago!')

9) Where did I go to college? (Some people might not remember whether you attended college or even graduated.)

10) Name my last boyfriend before this engagement. Bonus question: if you can name the last two and why we broke up. If you get the bonus question right, that might automatically get you in.

Pengiring a.k.a Bridesmaid

I have chosen Cousins and Friends to be my bridesmaid. And.. Have decided...that All the Bridesmaid will be wearing Tudung. Doesnt matter tudung tutup habis tu kah, tudung express kah or Tudung letak je mcm Datuk Siti(Kalau tudung siti..can be tailor-made pakai the same chiffon use to buat their baju). And Colour will be Pinkish Purple or Pinkish Grey... A mix of Both is fine too.

I've googled online...and photoshoped it (TAK CANTIK!!! Im bad with photoshop) just to give an idea of the Colour and style that i want all my bridesmaid to wear. 1 Design for all... =)

So here are some...and Let me know what do u think of it....

1st Choice is this.... (Sorry kalau ugly)

it's a pinkish dress with skirt bertingkat2..tak bertingkat pun boleh

dengan baju luar warna Greyish(Chiffon cantik ni)

with beads kat hujung2 and Bunga atau Kerongsang kat depan(bunga same colour dgn Dress or darker)

This is nice too.. TAPI since pakai tudung, mesti panjang and leher tu tak lah mcm tu...

This is simple with add on Satin kain kat pingang and beads kat dada 

Ni ala-ala Pengantin gitu hehehe

Dress Kain Lace warna Purple with Pinkish Satin as dia punya lining.... 

And Last one.. Sweet Pinkish Chiffon Dress with Beads colour Red, Purple, Pink and White/Grey or Rainbow kat Dada, Pingang dan tepi tangan.... Sesuaiiiii gitu utk majlis2 Resepsi.... kannnn? 

And as i said.. i have Chosen my Bridesmaid.... All of them are my Cousin(all from my Mom's side...i tak biasa my dad's side) and Best Girlfriends... Im Not gonna post their photos here...but gonna tell a lil' info about them...

1) HFR - 24yrs old, Still studying for a Degree in one of the UNI in Malaysia. Yang paling Rajin belajar dan paling banyak mengumpul Certificate. She got Form 6's certificate, Short courses certificate, other Foreign Language certificates, Diploma Certificates and now..waiting for degree. Fluent in Bahasa Melayu, Chinese and English. She speaks Chinese to her Malay Best Friend. 1 of the Closest cousin i have. We used to sleep together when i went back to visit the Relatives. Always together.. she makes the BEST Milo in the work..and Also cook the BEST Mee Sedap/Indomie..hehehe...

2) NIGJ - 18yrs old, Currently doing her Degree course in one of the UNI in Malaysia. a very Humble and down to earth anak Datuk i've ever known. None of the friends know that she's anak datuk pasal kalau dtg sekolah...kasut koyak2... baju koyak(time sekolah menengah lah).. hangout dgn org biasa2.. tak sombong..very friendly giler. And dia ni penyayang keluarga. VERY! She's the 1st in the Family yang tau about me and the BF. The 1st 2 Cousins yang awal2 jumpa the BF...Penyimpan rahsia yang terbaik.. The sweetest baby of all. And one more good quality she have... Tukang Urut terbaikkkkkk punyerrr hehehe and She's PEMINAT setia Vee Shantie (Well..her grandma memang rapat dgn Father and Mother Vee)... hehehe

3) HZ - 18yrs old - Currently Studying for Diploma, Very soft spoken, humble, cute and sweet. Loves to smile...sikit2 senyum... Gigi cantik..so senyum memanjang pun nda pa bah. i call her Ezlynn (yang penyanyi Hi hi Bye bye) sebab Rambut dia mcm Ezlynn... Senyuman dia pun mcm Ezlynn. Memang selalu hangout sama2 time kecik. then she moved to tempat yang jauh..so jarang jumpa. jumpa pun time.. Raya like that lah. And she actually agreed to be my Pengapit. Since im still listing out my pengapit... i put her under Pengiring terhormat ku dulu.

4) NFM - 26yrs old ??(how come i dunno her age ahh.. but we're somehow dekat2 je umur hehe)-working with..nda payah tau lah...mcm bagi hint plak klu tau ni hehehe But she's my Fav Cousin's Sweetheart. Suka sangat dia ni..Coz dia VERY friendly and Sweet. Baru kenal sebenarnya like a year ago..something like that lah. Tu pun mula2 kenal2 dari FB hehehe

5) SHZ - 29yrs old, Currently working with the Communications and Media industry in KL. Kami memang tak rapat sejak kecil... and membesar pun berjauhan.. then she moved to KL to study and work... so lama inda jumpa. But jumpa balik last yr time raya...and jadi rapat. I requested her to be my bridesmaid sebab she balik2 suruh kawin coz for the cousins, the only time they can come to Brunei is when they is some "big" functions LOL...

6) NM - 26 yrs old, BestFriends since 8yrs ago, during Pre-U's era. Currently working with the Govnt and also doing part-time HND studies. Known her since Secondary school but seldom talk. We became bestfriends since Form6.. it just happened like that..hehe Rakan kongsi Suka Duka.. Teman menangis dan ketawa. a Good listener. a Good companion.

7) ML - 30 yrs old, BestFriend since this few years. Currently working with a Dutch-Brunei Company(so obvious hehehe). Teman beli kain...teman jalan2... teman cerita2 pasal kawin... teman merancang perkahwinan... muahahaha teman cerita2 pasal business... tukang support business...always there whenever i need someone to talk to... always there to marah me for no reason... LOL..eh eh I LOVE U..hehehe

all 7 complete.... Now im gonna look for a "Pengapit" within these 7 ladies BUT tentative is cousin HZ. :) I'm eyeing on Someone actually... But if she gets married before me..then... tak dapet lah den nak nolong hehehe tapi dia kata dia nak i jadi 1 of her bridesmaid jugak...cute kan hehehe tapi is she agree....why nooootttttttt.... hehehe... jgn sja she gets married dulu..then she gets preggie time i kawin....nahhh..how leh heheh

My Junior Bridesmaid are:

1) NN MFS - Cousin MFS's daughter. Currently in Primary 6..waiting for result. 1 of my most beloved niece from a Beloved Cousin :p Lovely and cheerful

2) SS MSF - Cousin MSF's daughter. MFS & MSF are brothers. Currently studying in form 1. 1 of those nieces that i have taken care off when they were born...each yr i watched her grew up into a Bubbly girl.

And their Dress design will be something like this... Not exact but something like this with different colour that suits the theme (NOT PHOTOSHOPED)

NOTE: Dresses might change depends on the Wedding Theme...kalau Kesultanan Melayu, inda jua ngam pakai dress.. LOL

PHOTOS ARE COURTESY OF GOOGLE SEARCH

Wedding Exhibition at Times Square, Brunei

I wonder if the BF wanna go or not... but i can only go on the last day of the exhibition..and my bestfren wanna go as well.... How leh??

BF yang tak Mesra

Does anyone have a BF/Fiance who is…not Mesra with your own family and cousins?

I don’t think a Guy should have a problem fitting in the crowd especially when they wanna marry you.. They should ambil hati the family too, right? But the BF is.. emm.. I don’t know. If cakap he’s a Shy person.. it’s Totally WRONG!! Coz I’ve seen how MESRA gila he treated his Cousins’ GF/Fiance/Wife. Treated them like…emm.. REALLY DAMN CLOSE..even those girls’ cousins pun he would treat so well. So, istilah PEMALU doesn’t falls on him. He’s totally Not that shy type of person. Berat mulut? Pun tak jugak. He used to tell me that he only talks about sports and photography…and THAT’s IT! I’m like O M G! Wanted to do the same to his.. but I think, since I decided to marry him… why should I treat the family as strangers.. I should treat them like my own family, right? What is so wrong about treating someone’s family like your own family especially when u have decided you wanna marry her/him? Takkan jatuh martabat kan?

I have seen and met… “menantu Lelaki” in some family…who treated the gf/fiance/wife’s mother even better than his own mother. Sampai ppl get confuse whether he's a biological son or son-in-law. I even have seen yang..emm.. baru 1^st time jumpa, inda kenal langsung.. dah boleh bercerita mcm org yang dah bertahun2 duduk satu asrama. I have ppl in my family yang ‘berkedudukan’, kerja pun tinggi pangkat but still very down to earth and treat his wife’s family like his own. Memang ramah bercerita lah. And these guys talk about general stuff. They would try to get to know the family as much as possible. And HONESTLY I am JEALOUS! I know the BF would be mad if he read this (hey he still doesn’t know about this blog) but im just expressing myself.. im just telling the truth about my feelings. I hate it whenever I have family (cousins/aunts) with me and I meet him, I will always sms him 1^st to remind him to Salam, Tegur and ask “how are you?”, “bila sampai?” etc etc etc…it’s like.. until when should I have to wait for the day that he himself will make that effort to Open up his mouth and talk to my family like he talk to his family or his cousin’s Gf..or his cousin’s fiancé or his cousin’s wife.. or his cousin’s wife’s cousins… cheh! Byk connection sungguh…but yeah… I’m so tired of all these. *Edited* But yeah he did talk to the aunts and cousin when i dropped by his house to pick up some foods. Tapi yelah.. do i have to tell what to say every now and then? no effort at all? takkan lah nak jadi 'babau' sepanjang masa kan? Hope he'll change into a more friendly person towards my family. Bukan nya org yg "cakap kosong" or "temberang" But a friendly person. A person who treats my family like his own family. As close as he can until he dont need me to be there just to meet them. As close as he can to learn more about my family and our culture. Things like this are important dalam rumahtangga. "I LOVE U" is just NOT ENOUGH at all!!! 

See ya in the next entry

An Hour with the BF...

I went jalan-jalan with the BF yesterday. Well... just a 1hr jalan-jalan tho'. Showed him the colour that i want for my Hantaran(which is from his side) and told him that i want my JongSarat in a Glass Box casing.. Instead of the Plastic ones... and he Said "OFCOZ LAH".. hehehe..

Oh.. He also mentioned 2 things.... First thing was.. he Wants our wedding Theme to be something like Kesultanan Melayu... Whether he's serious about it or not.. it's a NO NO for me.. Why? I KNOW very well, he wants to wear Songket.. But i DONT want. I dont mind wearing songket as the "Skirt" part.. But not the whole outfit. And, Lace/Chiffon doesnt suits the Kesultanan Melayu theme... Right? Biar lah ia sahaja yang pakai Songket.. I wanna wear a Mix & Match =) Oh Please BF..PLEASE PLEASE...let's think of other theme... Otherwise... we'll just use Colour Theme instead like Gold and Silver... or Pink and Purple.. or Purple and Grey.. or White and Green... nyehhh... hehehe

The 2nd thing he mentioned was to have... another Receptions in my Mom's Home-land. and i was so HAPPY to hear that. Actually, I'm not quite sure whether to do it there or not.. tho', it will be a Dream Come True. Lets see how it goes. Insya Allah.. kalau ada rezeki lebih, will consider doing it. Otherwise, a Small Doa Selamat is good enough coz im sure there are some family there who wont be able to come down to Brunei for our functions.

So now is the time, kerja keras, cari rezeki lebih to cover for the function. Dont wanna ask money from Parents or Family. Why? Coz it's MY Wedding... MY function... So i Do it my Way..and i Do it with my own money. Chaiyo..Chaiyo!!!!

a Chit chat with the cousins

Hey...

I just came back from a cousin's Nikah Function. We were talking about hantarans... nikah sanding..and adat.
So im thinking of putting it on my blog... lets see if i can remember.... hehe..

Firstly, is it normal for guys to be 'malas' to buy brg hantarans? 1 cousin said they(she and the husband now) have been buying things for hantaran long ago...beli sikit2 so that inda terasa keluarkan duit banyak. And another cousin said her fiance is the other way round. he took plenty of time to buy his things. they're getting married in November... but his things for hantaran are only 2-3 stuff while hers completed already. And guess what... My BF is like that too.Told him so many times to buy barang2 hantaran. Tapi entah lah... He dont seem to be serious about getting married. MAYBE he IS..tapi he's just doesnt do anything to show how serious he is. He is still spending times on other things. still entertaining other useless things when infact..we should spend time to buy things for our hantaran. I bought some for him actually.. i have my own kain to be put on the dulang. And i even bought decorations like flower and butterfly for me to DIY the hantaran for him. YES ALL THE HANTARAN FOR HIM IS GONNA BE DIY BY ME!! hehehe and im planning... kalau bertunang nanti.. i wanna DIY my own Pelamin. But Yeah.. who else have problem with BF/Fiance who is taking their sweet time rather than preparing for their big day? who who who? Bosan kan org mcm ni...Tapi oleh kerana SAYANG sangat... tahan je hati ni hehhe

And there's another thing we talk about just now... Which is about Suami yang meninggalkan Isterinya selepas nikah. I dont know adat Malaysia mcm mana. I totally forgot sebab it have been years since the last time my Malaysian Cousins got married... so lupa sudah segala galanya hehehe

Nak di jadikan story here... Adat kuno in Brunei.. tidak menghalalkan pernikahan...ia cuma menghalalkan persandingan. Dont get confuse. What i mean by that is...Pengantin lelaki di larang utk tinggal dengan Isteri walaupun selepas majlis pernikahan. They can only stay at their wife's house after majlis Persandingan. Sedangkan, apabila seorang lelaki ber akad nikah, maka Halal lah hubungannya dengan isterinya dan AUTOMATICALLY Tanggungjawab memberi Nafkah Zahir dan Batin dan tanggungjawab lain berada d 'bahu' seorang Suami. Dan, Meninggalkan Isteri yang telah dinikahi adalah berdosa. kalau nikah nya hari jumaat, sanding nya hari ahad...2 malam 1 hari lah suami tu BERDOSA dan lalai dengan tanggungjawab oleh kerana mengikutkan adat kuno. And ada juga perkahwinan di mana Nikah dan sanding jarak nya 1 minggu atau 1 bulan. Masya Allah... bertambah lah banyak dosa. Siapa yang menghalalkan Adat kuno ni? Bagus lah..tanggung lah dosa banyak2.. actually.. org yang menghalal kan Adat ni (either parents, aunts, uncles, family) inda berdosa langsung pun, yang tanggung dosa... tu si Suami yang selamat berNikah tapi masih belum cukup ilmu Ugama nya. Mcm mana kan jadi Khalifah Keluarga kalau belum cukup ilmu Ugama? Jangan kerana takut melanggar adat keluarga, kita rela berpaling tadah dari Allah. Allah tidak mungkin beri kita pahala kalau kita ikut Adat yg melanggar perintah Allah hatta sekalipun kita menyenangkan hati Ibu kita dgn mengikut adat... DOSA TETAP DOSA... di kumpul2 DOSA...NERAKA jawapan nya walaupun adat d sanjung. Adat-Adat semua ni dibuat oleh orang2 zaman Kuno...di mana ajaran Islam belum lagi berkembang. tapi zaman sekarang, Islam sudah kuat. Banyak Ustaz-ustaz, imam-imam dan pengiat agama yang bertauliah... we should all search for them and dengar ajaran Islam dengan betul. Banyak lagi benda lain yang dilarang dalam Islam tetapi di lakukan oleh org Islam sndiri.

Selain itu, yang sepatutnya di heboh heboh kan adalah hari Pernikahan kerana ia adalah acara Agama. Bukan persandingan yang patut nya diraikan... Persandingan sepatutnya adalah acara Kekeluargaan dimana Pengantin Perempuan diperkenalkan wajahnya kepada keluarga..kira sesi suai kenal dengan keluarga. But the thing about Malays is, Adat terbalikkan Ugama. and oleh kerana Adat juga, Islam dan Allah diketepikan. Kita sebagai Umat Islam sepatutnya berpegang teguh untuk menghentikan Adat adat yang bertentangan. istilah Biar Mati anak jangan Mati adat sepatutnya sudah lama di buang. Allah bagi rezeki anak kepada kita tapi kita biar anak mati sebab nak sangat ikut adat. TSK TSK TSK...how shame! Ingat... ADAT bukan IBADAT!! jangan bak kerana ADAT... kita dapat ticket pegi Neraka. Na'uzbillah!! So fikir fikir kan lah..renung renung kan lah.... jadi lah Umat Islam yang Sempurna.. kerana Bumi ini sudah sampai ke penghujungnya..takut2.. tak sempat nak bertaubat.

See you in the next entry.

Take Care =)